Christmas: Putting Christ back into Christmas

(scene: three chairs side-by-side DC, two Bibles and TV remote control on end chair)

Katie -- (enters carrying coat, crosses to chairs, drapes coat over back of chair, sits, picks up remote, turns on imaginary TV set in audience rear, watches intently)

James -- (enters carrying coat, crosses to chairs, drapes coat over back of chair) What's on TV?

Katie -- Shhhhhh! I can't hear.

James -- (looks at TV) What are all the firemen doing there? Is there a fire? (sits, stares at TV intently)

Katie -- Shhhhh! No, it's a big accident on the interstate.

James -- Did you see Daddy there?

Katie -- Not yet. Listen. (points to TV)

Mom ---- (enters, coat draped over arm, writing on pad, mumbling, nodding to self, crossing) Okay, here's the deal...

Katie & James -- Shhhhhh!

James -- Mom, there's a big accident on the interstate. (points to TV)

Mom ---- (studying notes) That's nice, dear. Listen, I'm going to need your help shopping tonight. Katie I need you to... (looks up) Katie, are you listening to me? (picks up remote, switches off TV)

Katie & James -- Mom!

Mom ---- Listen, we've got a lot to do and not enough time to do it all. So, can I have you're attention?

Katie -- (sings) I'm listening.

Mom ---- I promised Grandma that I would do the cooking tomorrow for Christmas dinner and I haven't had time to do ANYTHING. (looks at notes) Katie, I need to have you call down to the HoneyBaked Ham store and see if they're open late tonight.

Katie -- (exiting) Yeah, sure, Mom. HoneyBaked Ham is way more important that a half dozen people dying on the interstate.

Mom ---- What is she talking about? (studying notes)

James -- There was a big accident on the...

Mom ---- ...Jamey, I'm going to drop you off at the record store, so you can buy the CD for what's-his-name...

James -- ...His name is Brandon. He's only your God son, Mother.

Mom ---- Whatever. You know the title.

James -- Smashing pumpkins.

Mom ---- (studying notes) Isn't it a little late for Halloween music?

James -- It's not Halloween music, Mother, it's rock....

Katie -- (imitating sweetness) "The HoneyBaked Hams store is closed for the holiday. (sings) Merry Christmas".

Mom ---- Oh, no. (studies notes)

James -- (to Katie) We have to stop at the music store on the way to church tonight.

Katie -- Mother, that's in exactly the opposite direction from church.

Mom ---- (not looking up) Huh? Church? Did someone say something about church?

Katie -- It's Wednesday night down here on earth. That's the night we go to church.

Mom ---- (not looking up) Oh, we can't go to church tonight.

Katie & James -- What? Mother!

Mom ---- We have too much to do. This IS a special night, you know.

Katie -- That's correct. They're having a special Christmas Eve service at church tonight.

Mom ---- That's not what I meant.

Katie -- I know it isn't. It's what I meant.

Mom ---- I'm sorry. Normally, I would take Daddy shopping with me, but, unfortunately, I married a fireman.

James -- That's what we've trying tell you, Daddy's probably... (motions toward TV, palm up)

Mom ---- ...So, Jamey, (drops money into Jamey's outstretched hand) here's $20 for the Halloween CD.

James -- (smiles to Katie) Smashing Pumpkins.

Mom ---- And Katie, (hands Katie a wad of money) here's $50 for the headphones for Uncle Albert. I'll drop you off at Radio Shack after I drop Jamey off at the Tower Records. Then, I'll run over to the Ralph's market to see if they have any cooked hams that don't look like they just came out of a can. Then, I'll pick you both up and we'll run over to Wal-Mart for...

Katie & James -- (standup in unison and sing, very up tempo, harmonizing on the last two notes) Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jesus, Happy Birthday to you.

Mom ---- We really don't have time for this. As we just found out, some of the stores are already closed. And some of them are going to close early.

Katie -- You're right, Mom. He was only a baby.

James -- And he was born such a long time ago.

Katie -- 2000 years.

James -- Who can remember such an ancient event?

Katie -- And he was only the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE.

James -- Silly idea, naming Christmas after Christ.

Katie -- Silly.

Mom ---- (deep breath) Alright, get your coats.

Katie & James -- (grab coats, start toward exit)

Mom ---- Don't forget you're Bibles.

Katie -- To go shopping?

Mom ---- (throws pad and pencil over shoulder) Shopping? And miss Jesus' birthday party? Not a chance.

Katie -- What about the ham?

Mom ---- I bought a canned ham last week just in case I got too busy at Christmas. I'm ALWAYS too busy at Christmas.

James -- (picking up Bibles) What about the CD and headphones?

Mom ---- The drug store is open till midnight. We can find something there for Uncle Albert and what's-his-name.

James -- Brandon.

Mom ---- Anyway, it's not Brandon's birthday. It's Jesus' birthday. (exits singing) Happy Birthday to you,

ALL ---- (exit singing) Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jesus, Happy Birthday to you.

©2001 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.fea.net/bobsnook  email: bobsnook@fea.net
(clicking the above link will leave this site)